“Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”
I’ve had the opportunity to have two conversations with a delightful twelve year old in here in Rwanda named Diana. This little girl is absolutely remarkable. First of all, her English is amazing. Most adults that I talk to on a day to day basis don’t have the English level that this twelve year old girl has. This from a girl who is educated at the local primary school where teachers make approximately $60 a month and her class is 43 children in size.
She’s also wise beyond her years. She’s the oldest of five children in her family (Yay for firstborns!) and is so outgoing and sweet. She struck up a conversation with me on the road about a month ago by saying, “Excuse me, I’d like to ask you a question.” Then she launched into a mini interview, even asking me about what I do for work. When I explained what I do she remarked, “That’s very good work.” What twelve year old asks you about what you do?
Well I ran into Diana again today and I do believe it was providential. I received some difficult and angering news from home that I just wasn’t happy about. I was and still am struggling with my anger at the key player in the situation and struggling even with my attitude against God. I’ve been asking myself all day why God just doesn’t give my parents a break. They’ve had a really rough go of it the last five years and unfortunately it doesn’t ever seem to stop. I was mulling over these thoughts and other vengeful thoughts about the key player in the situation when I ran into Diana.
“Hello,” she piped up, startling me greatly since I was so lost in angry thoughts. “Do you remember me?”
“Sure ,” I said. “You’re Diana, right? How could I forget you since your English is the best I’ve heard from a girl your age?” This comment brought a smile to her face. “How is school?” I asked.
“School is good,” she said. “I have been studying very hard and have received good marks on my exams.”
“You must be first in your class,” I commented.
“Yes, I am,” she said. “I was very worried that I wasn’t going to do well on my exams but I prayed a lot to God for his help and he helped me. I always tell my friends at school that you must pray to God about the things that you worry about and He will help you.”
When she said that it resonated to my core. Here I was (and still am) worrying and stewing about a situation at home that really, I have very little control over. I’m angry, upset, tense and blaming the key player of the situation. And while all of these are legitimate emotions, I haven’t done what this beautiful twelve year old girl, in her childlike faith has learned to do. I haven’t given my worries over to God and asked for His help believing that He will help my family. I certainly am not going out and telling all my friends that, “you must pray to God about the things that you worry about and He will help you.” Because I’m not sure that I always believe that God can help. I don’t have the childlike faith of this twelve year old.
Instead I have the faith of an adult. The faith that writes contingency plans, and does internet research and thinks over every possible worst case scenario in her mind and tries to plan for it. The adult that tries to micro-manage every situation and be a “fixer.” I like fixing problems. It’s probably why I’m in the development field now. I like helping people and being involved in desperate situations. But I sometimes wonder if all this “fixing” and “helping” points the adultness, lack of faith and idolatry in my heart. I’m trying to do God’s job for Him.
I wonder what would happen when I finally let go and became as a child? What would happen when I stopped trying to do God’s job for Him and simply trusted and believed in Him? This is what Diana does.
Lord make me like this beautiful, wise child.
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