Reconciliation - Better Had in Real Life Than in Hollywood.



Hollywood. You've got to love how they neatly package life into two hour segments; resolving all conflicts, making everyone happy and closing all loose ends in a short span of time. If only life were really like this.



I recently watched a movie that I initially really liked. I rented "Talk to Me," the story of sixties and seventies era shock jock Petey Green and his manager Dewey Hughes. There is a very moving scene at the end of the film. Petey and Dewey haven't spoken for years after Petey has sabotaged his appearance on The Tonight Show that Dewey has set up for him. Dewey accuses him of being a low-life ex-con, the same as his incarcerated older brother. They sever their business partnership as well as their friendship.



As time passes Dewey realizes the error of his ways and goes to Petey to make things right. At this point Petey is dying. In a moving scene he goes to see Petey and the two reconcile with tears and much emotion. Within a couple of minutes of this scene Petey dies and Dewey is seen delivering a moving eulogy at his funeral, expressing his love for his best friend.



After watching this touching reconciliation of two friends I was moved but also deeply curious. I wondered if the story had really happened like this. Typically Hollywood, the story was completely different. There was no neat, packaged reconciliation. Instead Greene and Hughes parted ways never to reconcile again. As a matter of fact when Greene died, Dewey Hughes didn't even so much as send a condolence card to the family.

After finding out about the true life account of Green and Hughes I began to ask some questions? What does the Bible have to say about reconciliation? Is it possible to have reconciliation outside of a Christian context? What is it about reconciliation that makes us crave it; so much so that Hollywood would neatly package it up in two hour segments? Is reconciliation so infrequent in our culture that Hollywood must fabricate its existence? What do other cultures have to teach us about reconciliation? As I prepare to go to Rwanda I am constantly confronted with the word and the concept.

In 1994 Rwanda suffered from a brutal genocide where over 800,000 people were slaughtered in a mere 100 days. Under the influence of propaganda and hatred, Hutus rose up against Tutsis savagely killing more than 10% of the population. This was not a case of strangers killing strangers. Rather, in many cases neighbors slaughtered or led killers to their own neighbors.

Yet in spite of this tragedy, thirteen years later Rwanda is recovering. And amazingly, victims and perpetrators are being reconciled. I watched a documentary entitled, "Rwanda: Living Forgiveness." This documentary tells the story of one man who lost 14 family members during the genocide, all killed by the same man. After the genocide he is convicted by God of the need to forgive those who have killed his family. He ends up going to prisons to share God's message of forgiveness to those who murdered during the genocide. One man in his prison audience realized that he was the one responsible for killing this man's family. Consequently he repents and asks for forgiveness. Now, victim and perpetrator travel throughout the country sharing God's message of forgiveness.

Though I watched this documentary months ago I am still astounded by this man who was able to forgive someone who murdered fourteen members of his family. Yet, not only did he forgive this man, he also reconciled with him, working side by side with him and calling him his friend. The documentary shows him dancing and laughing with the man who brutally slaughtered his family. His story is humbling to me, an American woman who has suffered much less than this who still struggles with unforgiveness.

What these stories of reconciliation in Rwanda suggest is that true reconciliation is found only through the power of Christ and because of his work on the cross. Reconciliation in Rwanda is encouraged by churches and pastors who realize the Biblical claims of 2 Corinthians 5: 14-21,
"For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."

I know that once I arrive in Rwanda the message of reconciliation and forgiveness will become more true to life than it ever has before. Yet from this passage I've learned the following that is not only true for Rwanda, but true for the US, where reconciliation may be so infrequent, yet so craved that Hollywood finds the need to fabricate it. I've learned that:

*Reconciliation finds its root in Christ and Christ considers this reconciliation final. (There is no need to re-ask for His forgiveness or feel guilty any longer) In the passage it says that "God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them." God no longer holds our sins against us because Christ satisfied the punishment for them. Likewise, once a perpetrator comes to ask for my forgiveness, my forgivess and the resulting reconciliation must be final. I cannot count and re-count peoples sins against them.

*I am given the charge to become an ambassador of the message of reconciliation. My work in Rwanda must firstly stress that man be reconciled to God. It is only from reconciliation with God that true reconciliation will extend to the rest of society. In Rwanda (and here in NJ for that matter) I am Christ's ambassador who must bear this message. Likewise, I am convicted that if I am to bear this message of reconciliation, I must be practically living out its applications in my day-to-day life. (Humbling thought for someone who struggles with unforgiveness...thank God that I can daily depend on his power working through me, since I struggle to do it in my own strength)

*Reconciliation with God begins with Christ's work on the cross but also involves us not regarding Christ from a worldly point of view. Similarly, if we are to be reconciled with others we cannot view them from a worldly point of view either Because of Christ's work on the cross we become new creations who are called to operate by a new Biblical world and life view. This suggests that in order for any of us to be reconciled (Rwandan and American alike) both victims and offenders must reject worldly points of view against either party and adopt a Godly point of view instead. Victims can no longer view offenders from the worldly point of view as, "miserable sinners who have no hope of changing." Likewise offenders must also reject the worldly point of view that views an offender, "someone who will never forgive me." Adopting a Godly point of view allows victims to release vengeance and anger and offenders to repent and cast out fear.

*Being reconciled to Christ involves repentance and cannot be had without it. Repentance means a changing of your mind and actions. Reconciliation cannot be had unless offenders repent against those whom they have hurt. Reconciliation involves two parties and cannot be achieved unless both parties are willing to do the hard work of it. Certainly the work of Christ was difficult in order to achieve our reconciliation just as the work of victims is difficult in the process of reconciliation, especially in Rwanda.

*Being reconciled involves the offender giving the offended that which he does not deserve, We certainly do not deserve God's righteousness, only he deserves this. Yet through Christ, God offers us that which we do not deserve. This applies to Rwanda and the US as well. Those who have slaughtered others in Rwanda, (or to bring it closer to home, those who have offended me) do not deserve forgiveness and reconciliation. Yet it is clear from this passage, that I also, do not deserve forgiveness and reconciliation. None of us really deserve any measure of reconciliation and forgiveness. The only way we can obtain it is through the work of Christ on the cross. Therefore, if God was willing to offer reconciliation to me, someone who does not deserve it, certainly I can offer it to others. Just as compelling, I realize that if this man in Rwanda can forgive someone who has slaughtered fourteen members of his family, surely I can forgive those who have sinned against me in much less drastic ways.

I know that God has chosen to send me to Rwanda for a reason. Firstly, I am to be his ambassador of the message of reconciliation, urging Rwandans to be reconciled to God and to others. Yet, I suspect that God has other purposes in mind in sending me to this country that is daily confronted with the challenges of forgiveness and reconciliation. I believe that he wants to challenge me to discover what true forgiveness and reconciliation is and to become a woman who seeks after that with all her heart; a woman who is willing to let go of past hurt and forgive - then go the extra step and be reconciled with those who are the offenders. Likewise, being confronted with the stories of Rwandans who have repented and sought forgiveness from those whom they have hurt, I feel God tugging at my heart to compel me to seek forgiveness from those I have offended.

Above all it is my prayer for myself, for Rwandans and for all of us, that reconciliation will become such a part of our daily lives that it does not need to be a theme fabricated by Hollywood. Rather a I pray that it becomes a strong thread weaving through the fabric of all of our daily lives.